DO WIVES NEED TO SUBMIT TO THEIR HUSBANDS? UNDERSTANDING EPHESIANS 5:21-28
There have always been misconceptions and misunderstandings about the roles of men and women within the institution of marriage, particularly regarding the woman’s role in submission to her husband. Recently, on Twitter, now X, theological circles have drawn several distinct lines ranging from hard egalitarianism to strong patriarchal views. These include interpretations of a wife’s submission as a form of control over her behavior, such as dictating what she wears or to whom she listens. Some even suggest that the standards of appropriate dress and behavior determined by a workplace boss should also apply within the home. Additionally, there are those who argue that a wife submits to her husband only if he first submits to her, thus promoting a “mutual submission” framework in marriage.
Clarity and distinctions are needed in Paul’s teachings in Ephesians 5 to address these issues. Specifically, the concept of “mutual submission” must be examined, as I believe it represents a foreign and unbiblical understanding of the roles of men and women within marriage. We must study, understand, and submit ourselves to the Word of God, resisting cultural influences and the pervasive effects of feminism, which can distort our interpretation of this passage. While some may argue that labeling “mutual submission” as unbiblical is too strong, I define “unbiblical” as any ideology not clearly found in, authorized by, or based on the Bible.
The view I am addressing as unbiblical is the claim that a wife need not submit to her husband unless or until he submits to her. This interpretation disobeys the instruction outlined in Ephesians 5, thereby rendering it unbiblical.
To clarify, I do believe in “mutual submission” within the context of both the husband and wife mutually submitting themselves to Christ and to one another as humble, submissive Christians (Eph. 5:21). Paul addresses relationships here, highlighting that no one is hierarchically superior or inferior in their standing before God. All are equal in every way (Gal. 3:28). This serves as the foundational principle of submission.
In verse 22, Paul applies this principle specifically to Christian wives without exception. Submission (being subject) is not for the husband to command or enforce. Instead, it is a willing, faithful, and obedient response to honor the Lord’s commands. This submission is limited to her own husband, not to all men in general (“your husbands”). God has placed the husband as the head of the wife (Eph. 5:23; 1 Cor. 11:3). A wife submits to her husband in obedience to God’s will, reflecting her desire to honor the Lord—not because the husband has a note of personal worthiness or superior spiritual condition.
A wife’s submission to her husband is an external demonstration of her internal submission to God’s Word. It visibly reflects the God-given role of her husband as the leader of the household, as “the head” (Eph. 5:23). Paul further draws a connection by using the phrase “as Christ also,” showing the parallel between the headship of Christ over the church and the husband’s headship over the wife. This signifies that the wife’s submission recognizes her husband’s God-ordained role as a reflection of Christ’s authority over the church.
As members of the church, we are commanded to submit to Christ and His commands. Failure to do so leads to disobedience, disrupting harmony, unity, and faithfulness. Similarly, when a wife refuses to submit to her husband and pursues roles outside her God-given design, the family structure is disrupted, which ultimately affects society at large, resulting in cultural decline.
This concept is not new; it is established in Genesis 3:16, where God says to the woman, “Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” This can also be interpreted as, “Your desire, he will rule,” highlighting the inherent struggles in marriage due to human desires. Genesis 4:7 uses “desire” similarly, where sin’s desire is to dominate. However, God has provided protection through the husband’s and wife’s adherence to His design.
It is in the wife’s best interest, as well as the family’s and marriage’s, for her to willingly submit to her husband—not because the husband demands it, but because Christ commands it, and she desires to honor the Lord. This submission remains valid even if the husband fails in his spiritual duties. Paul ensures this principle is balanced by continuing to verse 25, which outlines the husband’s responsibilities.
The husband is instructed to love his wife sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it. This selfless, sacrificial love serves as the husband’s model for how he should lead and love his wife. While the wife’s duty is to submit, the husband’s duty is to love. His love aims to nurture his wife’s full potential in Christ and support her in becoming the woman God calls her to be. Paul reinforces this principle in verse 28, urging husbands to love their wives as their own bodies.
This prevents abusive, domineering, or dictatorial forms of male headship. Instead, the husband models his leadership on Christ’s love for the church. The concept of “mutual submission” should be understood not as a reciprocal submission between husband and wife, but as a shared submission to the headship of Christ in their lives as believers.