NOBODY CARES WHO YOU USED TO BE

Life is a continual progressive staircase of transition. When we are in elementary school, we daydream about what it will be like when we graduate high school. When we are single, we fantasize about what life will be like, married with kids; when we are in college, we perceive that the world is at our fingertips and our dream career is within grasp. As we age, these items serve as checkpoints or memory markers in our brains, and we often reflect on “the good ol’ days.” Yet, if we aren’t careful, this continual reflection on memories in the past will begin to overtake our present, and we will find ourselves living in the past. Past actions, accomplishments, failures, and relationships, and we continue to revive those memories into our present, which leads to us dwelling on the question, “If I could go back in time, I would change_____.”

There is no better example of this demonstrated than the character of Uncle Rico in the movie Napolean Dynamite. I call this “Uncle Rico Syndrome,” where we dwell and become obsessed with something, someone, or an event in our past. There is nothing wrong in reflecting on previous memories that transpired in our past or sharing fun stories with family or friends, but we must not allow that to define who we are in the present. For many of us who served in the military, transitioning from Active Duty into the civilian world is something that no one talks about, and no one preps us for how difficult it is when you transition out. When you transition out of the military, no one tells you the camaraderie you once had, the brotherhood, the friendships, the miserable times, and much more are gone.

The transition is surreal as on Monday, you were on Active Duty, and on Tuesday, you are no longer a part of the organization. When you were in, everything about you, your identity, and your family revolved around your career, deployments, TDYs, and duty stations. You were a part of something bigger than yourself; you were with other men and women (regardless of whether you liked them or not) who were on the same mission as you were. When I joined, the Global War on Terrorism (GWOT) was ongoing, and my life revolved around training for deployments and getting others ready for deployments. Once you transition, that is gone. There is no future overseas deployment; there is no “workup” of a training pipeline you are going through to prepare for the report no later than the date at your new combatant command.

You go from being a part of a huge system and network of support that the military and the DoD provide, and you transition to just you and your family or whatever network you created while you were in. This type of transition leaves men and women who served in the Armed Forces feeling alone, vulnerable, and deeply “missing out.” Many veterans can move past this point and create incredible careers using the tools and skills they learned while serving, but many others can never move past who they once were. They feel as though their lives are now meaningless, and they end up taking their own life. Yet, if we are being honest, this isn’t something that only military veterans go through; this is something that every person will go through in their life.

The question is, can you move past who you once were and start looking at who you wish to become? I call this Uncle Rico syndrome because, like this character, many of us continually reflect on the past, romanticize and over-glamourize how good things used to be, and think, “If only.” When an individual is in this situation, they cannot move forward because they have not reconciled their past with themselves. Therefore, they continue to live their life in a cognitive self-looping cycle where nothing in their present is as good as something was in their past.

            The Christian life is very much the same when we reflect on our past sins, poor choices, or mistakes and allow that to define our present. However, we must remember and reflect that who we once were is no longer who we are. What we once did, no longer has any control over our lives. The sin we once were enslaved to no longer controls us; we are now a new creation, a new person created in Christ Jesus (Eph. 2:10), and we must lay aside the former person we once were and now put on the person we are because of what Christ has done for us (Eph. 4:22-24.) It sounds easy when we read the Scriptures, but it is entirely different when we have to put what we read and hear into action.

            The experiences and events that you went through in your past were not for nothing; in fact, those experiences, both good and bad, have made you into the person you are today; however, you must not let those past experiences define who you are and what you will do. We can reflect on those items occasionally but do not allow those items to dominate our minds, actions, thoughts, and goals. If you are a believer, your mind has been renewed, and now your mission should focus on living and pursuing after the one who saved you (Rom.12:2.)

            We must recognize that there is more to this life than just these temporal experiences we go through. There is more to this life than earthly success. Look in the mirror; you do not look, nor will you ever look, how you did when you were younger. We are living day-to-day with the knowledge that there will be a day in which we no longer exist, and for those without Christ, that is a scary thought. However, we who are Christians are not like those who are without hope; we have hope, a future, and knowledge of what is to come (1 Thess. 4:13), but sadly, many of us forget this and go back to living as though we will live forever. When this happens, we get trapped in this mental state that leaves us feeling empty and useless, which should not be the case since we have been saved.

            To combat this problem, we must remind ourselves of an important fact: nobody cares who you used to be, but they do care about what you are doing now. You need a cause, a mission, motivation, and a community to surround yourself with. So, let go of your past, forget where you fell short or failed, and instead lean into what and who you have been blessed with now. If you are looking for a mission, there is no greater mission than the Great Commission Jesus gives us in Matthew 28:19-20. If you are looking for motivation and community, there is no better community than inside a local church that motivates and encourages you to keep pressing on toward the mark of the high calling of Christ (Phil. 3:14.) My brothers and sisters, if you feel alone or if you feel as though you are on a vessel at sea with no heading or bearing, let me tell you that Christ and the church are there. There is a point to everything we have gone through and will go through. There is hope, a future, and peace, but we must pursue it, engage with it, train with it, work with it, and commit ourselves to it. It isn’t easy, clean, or polished, yet nothing good in this life is; anything worth doing in this life requires hard work, dedication, and commitment. The problem is most people are unwilling to put in the necessary work to see the results. So, completely give everything that you hold onto to Christ, commit it to Him, and trust that He who began this good work in you will see it until the day of redemption.

But, remember this phrase every day: “Nobody cares who you used to be.” Instead, ask yourself, “Who am I today?”